Follow your heart. But I don't!

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary... Almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” Steve Jobs

I almost quite know what it is that I want to become. Or rather I refuse to admit that it is that which my heart keeps whispering to me, coz it’s not easy, it might warrant failure, repeated too. And that has made me shun my own dream for the longest time and even laugh at it, during random moments when flights of fantasy take me to a realm that can only be deep within my dream....Why do I shudder every time I think I need to break free? What am I sacrificing here? My whole identity, my being, my dream, my sense of accomplishment, my fear of failure or non acceptance? But then what is this life if I were to but stay within tested waters? Shouldn’t I dare?

Well I should. But right now I need to convince myself I’m hearing it right and that I have it in me to go that far despite all the setbacks, rebuke, and possible failure. And that in itself is not easy...as action is never as smooth as rhetoric or prose. But can I afford to make that leap of faith? Time alone will tell. Until then let me prep myself both to soar and fall.

Question to self....but unless you try how will you know if it was meant to be or not? Hmmm...Food for thought!

Succumbed Lives

There are choices and there are choices….life is an unending circle of choices first made for you, made by you, and then once again made for you. Many of those don’t adhere to what we might actually want or like, then again what we choose may not necessarily satiate those that are interlinked in your life’s tapestry, but the fact remains, someone needs to take a call at those critical moments and stick with that and not look back, at whatever cost it might be.

A large portion of one’s life is spent pleasing multitudes….parents, grandparents, siblings, lovers, spouse, in-laws, children, extended family and what not. The question is how much of the pie do you really get? Of the many tattered pieces making up the blotchy whole, what is truly and entirely you?

At each age, we are left with a book of instructions, what to do, how to do it, and who will benefit and hurt from it. Most times the last criteria overrules what you might deep down want to do, but might lack the will or heart to do, for fear of hurting someone. Never can you please one and all, and there is always someone smarting from something we have chosen, and then they give you grief for so long, that you regret that one personal touch you might have offered your own life. And this charade continues for so long, that at one point we cease to pretend and imagine this is what we truly like and want. This is a fallacy, which will come back and hit you in the face at some unforeseen moment. It might offer you one way out, to cleanse it all, to get your life back on track, the way you actually like it, though hate to admit it. But the truth is 99% shies away from that chance, and they choose to continue the peace and harmony than rock the boat harder than it can handle.

Someone once told me, the people who really matter and care, will stand by you even if you make some wrong turns, and rebellious ones, but unless you make them, how will you know what true happiness is? How can you go on succumbing to life’s never ending pressures and never give flight to your dream or fantasy or reality, never try to know the real you?

Not accepting is a lie. And so is not doing what needs to be done. Then you are unfaithful to the only person you owe complete truth and loyalty to….YOU.

One cannot continue to please and pretend to be pleased. So what if those around you don’t agree? Will not having them in your life make it so despicable that you might want to end life as you know it? If not, then it means that it might not be wrong to try and force your will or wish. For if those people are really meant to be part of your life, then they should understand and stand by you. If not then they don’t deserve that post anyhow. But how many have the courage to admit such uncanny truths to themselves and the world at large and take actual action?

We are all conditioned by fear. Fear of non-acceptance, of being alone, of losing those we love despite themselves, of being held in contempt, of being made to feel guilty, of being different. And so we choose the easy path, we succumb. We adhere to norms, rules set by everyone who passes through our life, give them momentary happiness, and then lose all we want in the process and die small deaths throughout without ever knowing or feeling it. Is that why so many are so miserable deep within and too scared to say it? Is there a solution that does not cause widespread destruction in its wake? Is it possible to gain something without having to lose something else? Will we ever balance that equation while still breathing? Or will we live ignorant lives, imagining ourselves to be the happiest people on this earth?

Behind Every Successful Woman....

Is a Good Man...

For me its.....Bala.

Bala made me come to Bangalore....made my second stint in print possible by paving the way for my entry into TOI Blore. He has always been there...listening to my raves and rants... he was listening all the time, no matter what I had to say or cry about … he was a shoulder to cry on. He always was able to lift me from the dumps and set me going once again....He held me when I feared failure and lack of confidence...he made sure I never called it quits....he has always been the voice of sanity that eluded me when emotion clouded my judgment....he made sure to reignite the fire in the belly whenever it was at threat of dying off....I just can’t imagine having gotten here without him.

And the best part about him has been his ability to selflessly and wholeheartedly rejoice in my highs. And even this story....he told me it was my best till date, when he saw the final draft and that I deserved a cover for it. I didn't get the cover, but his words were prophetic and instead I got the prestigious PoleStar.

I'm glad I've made him proud.

This one is for you Bala.... Thank you for everything.

Forgotten Mumbai?

There is something about Mumbai that gets me….I spent very few months in that city in years past…and yet the strong associations remain…with smells, tastes, things, streets, trains, eateries…and so much more.

And last week I made a trip there, hardly 24 hour long. And suddenly it seemed a tad alien.
There was also another thing….the way there seemed to this underlying tension and fear. I mean for me seeing all those sniffer dogs and the multiple checks etc were indeed at some level comforting I guess that security measures were in place. But the minute I got to my room, I first figured out where the exits where, what the window opened out to, how to make my getaway fast in case of something untoward occurring. That lacked innocence and made me wonder what the Gateway looked like….and how people checking into hotels there were thinking.

And we were at a conference which folks from the industry both domestic and abroad were thronging. So I guess it added to the worry that hey if someone wanted to look for maximum impact there we would be sitting ducks….funny what terror brings in its aftermath.

I was there after a long gap of 4 years. And I seemed to have forgotten it all. But was that courtesy my lack of geographical insight, which is a congenital disorder I have been dealing with, or was it that my ties with that place have snapped, for good? I hope not. For I keep looking back to my strolls and journeys there to provide fodder for my writing someday when I get down to it.

But to put things in perspective….the first time I landed in Mumbai…was courtesy my first job in TV. I had been hired to work in Mumbai right out of college, but since they hadn’t set up shop, they decided to keep us occupied in their Delhi office till the walls and studios came up. By then I had found my niche, loved the job, and to top it all found love in Delhi. And then we moved bag and baggage. Living out of hotel rooms and overflowing cluttered suitcases. When everything seemed folded and dirty all at once, and many a time I washed ironed clothes cause I had a niggling worry about remnant sweat.

The only time I dressed up apart from work in those days was to meet up with brokers who were trying to help me find accommodation in the city. And it was weird…housing was weird in Mumbai…the concept of space didn’t exist. After Delhi and my posh “hostel” in Chennai this was too much to bear. Plus poor me, had to travel by train, auto, taxi and what not to get from one corner to another. And that had frail, chauffeured me suffering from chronic depression. The first time me and a friend attempted getting on to a local Mumbai train, we had to let about 6 go by before we figured how to manage getting on. And each time we crossed Dadar, there was only one thing that crossed my mind….that scene from the movie “The Mummy” in which Imhotep (assuming I got the Egyptian high priest’s spelling right) opens his mouth and zillions of black bugs rush out scrambling over one another. I have never been able to liken a real life situation so precisely to a movie scene before but this has never been bettered or changed.

But in the next few months I had stayed in Bandra, Vile Parle, Juhu, Powai and then I couldn’t take it any more, and I ran for my life from that place. Though by then I had mastered the art of traveling by trains, fallen in love with Café Mondegaar, the beads they sold outside the café, and Nariman Point and Bandstand and hanging out in our friend’s apartment in Andheri, and eating Death by Chocolate at Mocha and Naturals ice-cream.

I rediscovered family while there. Someone who I had only heard of and met once in childhood welcomed me with open arms into her house while there and that cemented our bond. Till date each time I call her the woman recognizes my voice before I finish my second word. And she is old school and does not have caller id. And I even tried calling from varied numbers but she always beat me to it.

I came back another time for training along with my love….again work was the culprit. This time we walked all over Colaba, and at night there was something about the Gateway that made it absolutely lovable.

Both times I made friends. Though it’s the second stint that ensured longevity of friendship, probably because we were all cooped up together in a hotel for over 1.5 months. We all ate, worked, partied and hung out together. Most importantly we all shared cabs and expenses to and from work and that made us bond. And some have become thick friends over time.

But Mumbai also taught me patience from the long traffic snarls. It taught me to be suspicious of everyone who bumped into me in a buses or trains and made my paranoid enough to check for my purse and phone every so often, for once bitten twice shy. But it also taught me how to travel on my own. I made a long train journey from Mumbai to Trivandrum, a first for me.

Mumbai taught me a lot of things. Caused a lot of upheavals in my life. But I spent some wonderful times with Bala and some of our friends there. Surprisingly Bala has traveled to Mumbai in the interim very often and I have relived some of those places through him. And that made me wonder why suddenly it seemed so alien when I went back this time. Seems distance and time do indeed erase some bonds without meaning to.

Of Green Round Tables....

It was the next step in my journalistic career, a statement about my understanding of my domain. I got to chair/moderate a round table on Green IT at the Nasscom India Leadership Forum in Mumbai last week which consisted of five eminent speakers from the industry and academia. Was a wonderful experience and we overshot our time by only an hour. But then stimulating and interesting conversation should never be constrained by time or place. And so we rambled on, with occasional laughs and tangential jokes. But with all of us coming off with a better understanding and a more holistic view of the topic.

While some wonder why Green IT should be discussed time and again, since it has been in existence for a while now. Unfortunately today the concept of “Green IT” is often limited to energy labeling schemes, green procurement of energy efficient equipment, consolidation of server parks and virtualization of office environments. These are obviously good things for reducing climate impact, but these lack a focus on how IT can be utilized to bring down the overall contribution to CO2 reductions.

So far, being “green” has mainly been connected to traditional reactive environmental work and “doing something good”; a philanthropic or risk minimizing/ compliance effort. Dealing with the environment has been something a company approaches in an “end of pipe” manner when everything else is already in place. To become a leader in a low-carbon economy, companies, both providers and users, need to rethink the entire notion of “Green IT”.

Green IT of the 21st Century is not only green in terms of a healthy planet but green in terms of money – not just in savings to be made, but potential business opportunities – and should be part of core business strategy and planning. This is the shift in perspective that is needed from business to re-focus from incremental improvements and the purchasing of ‘IT products’ to transformative change and buying ‘low-carbon services’. Companies must also support governments who need to re-focus legislation and regulations from problems with IT’s own emissions to opportunities that low-carbon IT solutions can provide.

But IT does not offer one ‘killer application’ to combat climate change. Instead, a variety of IT applications can provide a valuable contribution to the global effort to reduce CO2 emissions when implemented in the right way with supporting structures. Opportunities exist in developed countries, as well as developing countries, to benefit from the potential of IT to combat climate change. Emerging economies could also leapfrog carbon-intensive development by avoiding the “CO2-heavy-IT-poor” societies, already created in developed parts of the world, and implementing innovative IT technologies to reduce CO2 emissions.

And the opportunities offered by IT will not be harvested automatically. There is a growing awareness of the opportunities offered by IT to reduce CO2 emissions. IT may enable reductions in a variety of sectors and through many different channels, yet a conscious deployment is still in its early days. IT can be used to reduce businesses’ and their customers’ impact on the climate, but also contribute to the opposite. The outcome will depend on which climate strategies and policies that will be pursued – those that strengthen or those that weaken structures that allow further reductions of CO2 emissions?

25 hour long torture….

What was this leading channel thinking? More so what was their sponsor thinking? Many such questions went through my head as unwittingly I watched bits and pieces of their magnum opus show this past weekend…a 25 hour long charade….apparently to help the “green” cause!

First off if the idea was to promote green, shouldn’t they have switched off some lights? Secondly if the “news channel” was trying to educate us about the merits of green what was the point of getting Bollywood celebrities to dance and put up acts on stage? How did that spread the green theme? I mean I am an all out Madhuri Dixit fan and cant say I complain when I get a chance to see her sashay her hips in tune….but frankly this act beat logic…

Silly corny one-liners from the anchor…who looked ready to cry when they announced an impromptu extension of an hour right when the countdown and act seemed to be coming to a close….even Cyrus Broacha seemed out of sync funnily. I mean the man looked as if he was pained to be doing this for so very long without reprieve.

One other thing that beats me is why would the world be interested in Milind Soman setting out on a run? I mean yes the man is eye candy, but he is also ageing and rightfully running out of options to grace the silver screen. But given his lack of sporting skills I wonder why people in their right minds, that too in such dismal times as we live in, would want to put their money on him. Am sure a well renowned athlete would have atleast made the effort look half hearted!

Am sure the intention and initial plan was pure and honorable. But pray tell me why didn’t they put all the creative brains to good use and come up with something that had people stuck to their channel without wanting to leave even during ad breaks….why did this channel not think this through well enough? Because this sure was not some spur of the moment thingie…considering they had managed to get star schedules sorted out. For I remember from my days in TV, that each show, the format, the many breaks and sections and almost also the conversation material was planned well in advance…so then did these folks lack creative stimulus to fill up a good 24 plus hours? How so considering they have so many of India’s most well known journalists within their walls? And some creative chappies in their sister concerns….So why then did they put this opportunity to such waste?

If this is any sign of things to come for other channels in the coming days, then god save us unsuspecting souls. For another such day long torture would be the beginning of the end!

God & Society

Phil Zuckerman, an associate professor of sociology at Pitzer College, in his book Society Without God...sheds light on some very interesting aspects of the connection between religion and societal health. He says: “From Nebraska to Nepal, from Georgia to Guatemala, and from Utah to Uganda, humans all over the globe are vigorously praising various deities; regularly attending services at churches, temples, and mosques; persistently studying sacred texts; dutifully performing holy rites; energetically carrying out spiritual rituals; soberly defending the world from sin; piously fasting; and enthusiastically praying and then praying some more, singing, praising, and loving this or that savior, prophet, or God. But...What are societies like when faith in God is minimal….and religion is a distinctly muted and marginal aspect of everyday life? Many people assume that religion is what keeps people moral, that a society without God would be hell on earth: rampant with immorality, full of evil, and teeming with depravity.......”

Has made me wonder about the kind of society we live in….and the excesses we see around us in the name of religion and morality. I am a deeply religious person and my faith has never let me down. But when I see such nonsense meted out to unsuspecting souls in the name of religion it bothers me no end. My question is who appointed these people messengers of God? Am sure God himself would not want such cruelty perpetrated in his name or for him.

While these “chosen few” wax eloquent of their deep binding ties with God, what they enact during their lifetimes bear no testimony to the teachings and principles set down in the holy books. By bringing harm to another living soul or abusing their personal freedom they do not in any manner become any more religious or the chosen ones to enter heaven. What they need to realize is the minute they infringe on another’s space and desecrate their life, they cease to be holy men/women. They no longer have blessings from above and by causing harm to a fellow citizen instead of attaining nirvana, they are merely adding to their sins! They are then no less than the beast himself!